


Wrong And Right

by whoovestrings



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-binary character, Trans Character, no one in taz is cis sorry, talk of body disphoria, this started as vent but now its just sappy taakitz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 07:12:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13453131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoovestrings/pseuds/whoovestrings
Summary: Taako's opinion of his body changes often. Sometimes he's fine with it, loves it even, sometimes, he would do anything to be out of it. As his relationship with Kravitz changes, he finds that there's only one thing worse than Taako knowing what he actually looks like himself, and that's someone else knowing.





	Wrong And Right

**Author's Note:**

> Its marked as mature because they talk about sex rather directly but it doesn't happen.
> 
> Set in some kind of tazswap au where Kravitz is on the Starblaster. This was part of a larger concept of Taakitz with near-blupjeans levels of slowburn, but instead of pining for half a century, it's a slow transition from friends to friends with benefits to lovers, and this fic takes place right about that second transition.
> 
> Edit: I don't know why I forgot to put this in originally, but this contains tiefling!kravitz

It didn’t take long after taako’s high for the mind-numbing pleasure to turn to discomfort bordering on pain. Kravitz complied immediately when he told him to stop, and after a few breaths, Taako came to terms with what had just happened. It was cemented further in his mind by Kravitz humming a few notes to cast prestidigitation to clean, well, him, off of his clothes and his hand. Gods, it was on his hand. Taako suddenly felt far too open and exposed, despite the fact that he was completely clothed. The only part of his skin that was visible was his face and his forearms but somehow that was far too much.

Another, almost somehow worse thought hit him. He made Kravitz see him, feel him, it was probably bad for him too. The rational part of Taako’s brain fought to tell him that Kravitz was in the same boat as him, the scars on his chest proof enough even if Taako had never seen what the rest of him looked like. He was fine with it, he didn’t see him as less of a man for it, it was okay. Somehow, this didn’t help. Taako pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in the gap, employing the age-old tactic of “if I can’t see him then he can’t see me”.

He felt Kravitz get up from the bed, then walk across the room, and drink something, probably the glass of water Taako had put on his dresser. He sounded like he had just noticed something, and he hummed out another spell. Taako didn’t exactly know what the spell did, but he found Kravitz’s voice comforting, in spite of everything. When he walked back, he didn’t sit next to taako, but crouched so that they were eye level with each other. Taako hesitated for a moment before shuffling over to let him sit. Kravitz, bless him, didn’t make any move to touch him, but soon Taako, as deep as a pit of self-loathing he was in, decided they were too far apart, and flopped down onto Kravitz’s lap. Still curled up, and still definitely not looking at Kravitz himself, but enjoying the lingering warmth he provided. Kravitz had started to run his hands through his hair and was whispering reassurances to him, that everything was going to be okay, that it was fine, all was well, he hadn’t done anything wrong.

Taako might have fallen asleep, or he might have just laid there like that, feeling Kravitz’s breathing steady, and watching his tail swish contentedly in the corner of his eye. At one point, he noticed that he could hear the soft click of Kravitz’s claws against his bedside table. He definitely didn't have those a few minutes ago, that's for sure. Eventually, though, he picked himself up, and managed to look Kravitz in the eye. The look of concern on his face eased his nerves slightly, and he leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

“Are you okay?” There was that classic Kravitz, who cared so much and asked for so little in return. Gods Taako loved him. He nodded silently in reply, not really feeling up to speaking in that moment. “That’s good. Just say when, or even if, you want to talk about this, okay?” Taako managed a smile and went to sit beside Kravitz, wrapping his arms around him and inviting him to do the same. They stayed like that for a few more minutes, a few more minutes of Taako growing accustomed to Kravitz’s presence, a few more minutes of Taako working up his nerve, before he decided that yes, they were going to have to talk about this. Kravitz was obviously also deep in thought, because he jumped slightly when Taako voiced his thoughts.

“Was the problem to do with me?” Kravitz’s voice was still laced with concern. It was adorable, really.

“No, no, it was definitely not you, gods, you did, you did great Krav” Taako’s voice was small, uncharacteristic of him, really, “No, its just, I don’t- I don't like my body. Like, obviously I’m gorgeous as shit, who's actually going to argue that but-” he sighed “-it’s wrong, I don't like it. My mind feels like my body should be different, and that fact that you- you know what I look like, that someone else has seen and has proof that I'm like this, is horrible.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn't get to see much, My eyes were more focused on your face.” What a sap.

“I know but you have a general gist of what I look like, you had your hand in me, and you know that I’m- that I have- urgh, that I'm wrong.”

“There’s spells for that,” Kravitz didn't mean to be condescending, Taako knew so in his heart of hearts. He had the best intentions, but try as he might, he couldn't find the nuances in Taako’s mindset, Taako doubted that even he could.

“No, because I know I’ll be uncomfortable with that as well. There’s no midpoint.” He paused, considering what he was going to say next carefully. “I don’t know if I want to do this again, Krav.” Kravitz was being unbelievably patient with him, and Taako loved him for it, “Like, of course you weren't crossing boundaries this time, like, if I wanted you to stop I defo would have said, no question. I just- oh shit I haven't done anything for you. I'm sorry, should I- do you want to-”

Kravitz cut him off. “It's quite alright, Taako. No, I didn't finish but that doesn't mean that wasn't amazing whilst it lasted.”

“But what if we don't-”

“You said our first kiss would probably be our last, and I accepted that. Now that you've said our first time might be our last, I accept that as well, this isn't any different. And besides, if this doesn't last, I can always find some cute boy in one of the planes we visit to have a fling with.” He laughed at that, obviously not meaning it seriously, but the more Taako thought about it, about seeing Kravitz with another person, even if it wasn't serious, even if it wasn't romantic, the more he didn't like that idea, at all.

“Can you stay with me?” Taako had his head buried in Kravitz’s chest, so his words were muffled, but Kravitz heard them, because he gently lifted Taako’s face to meet his own. Taako bit his lip in an attempt to stop tears from welling in his eyes, because their origin was unknown, and he didn't want to make Kravitz worry about him more than he already did.

“If you want me to stay, of course I'll stay. I can't find a reason to not stay with you, Taako. I don't mind if you're never comfortable enough for this. I don't mind if our last time being intimate like this comprised of mostly kissing and we're both still fully clothed and I didn't get off, and I'm fine with that because I love you, Taako.”

That had said that a lot, especially recently. Of course they loved each other, everyone on the starblaster loved each other individually, in their own distinct ways, but something about how Kravitz said it this time made it different. Maybe it was the amount of care visible in his eyes, or how delicately he was holding him, the commitments he was making, or maybe it was because Taako’s heart still hadn't fully calmed down from their previous activities - gods Taako needed to get more exercise if that was the case - but Taako got the feeling that Kravitz saw him as more than a friend. More than the family that the rest of the Starblaster had become.

“You don't have to commit yourself to not having sex for me, Krav.” Taako was smiling, his mood had improved a lot in the past few minutes. “As you said, I said our first kiss was going to be our last, and look where we are now.” Kravitz chuckled and kissed Taako’s nose, making Taako’s smile widen into a grin. “You know full well this’ll last a week and then I’ll get horny again and, you know what, I’ll probably go through this whole ordeal again. But listen, it feels good, and if it makes you feel good, who am I to complain?”

“As long as you're comfortable as well, I couldn't think of a better situation. I'll only ever do what you want me to do, and I'll only ever see what you want me to see, when you want me to see it.” His eyes flicked down to Taako’s lips, before catching his gaze in a silent question of “can I?” Taako answered him by pulling him closer and kissing him softly. And, despite the fact he could acutely feel every part of his body, and how wrong everything felt, in this moment, everything about him, and Kravitz, and the evening that was slowly melting into night, felt different, felt better, felt right.

**Author's Note:**

> I attempted to not use dialog tags throughout this, partially so I could pretend this was a writing exercise, and not just a mess of vent and then trying to cheer myself up with fluff.
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always welcome!


End file.
